i've been MIA.
life has been turned upside down, shaken, twisted, then punched in the gut.
to then end in a somewhat of a rainbow.
that guy up there is my hero. he is the strongest man i've ever met. he was a father to 9
a grandfather to 17. he had a heart of gold
and a irish temper that could set a fire. he taught me the right from wrongs & the love of donuts.
a grandfather to 17. he had a heart of gold
and a irish temper that could set a fire. he taught me the right from wrongs & the love of donuts.
i felt as though he would live on forever as long as squeezed my eyes shut and wished on a shooting star
last monday that shooting star failed me. my hero went to sleep at 94 years young.
its honest to say i'm not dealing very well. i knew this day would come, i kept shoving it under the rug.
growing up we would be sitting around the house or out on the golf course and my grandpa would say "god i'm old i might die today" or when one of us called i'd ask "how are you today grandpa?" his response would be "well i'm alive .... so i'm pretty happy about that.... how are you good lookin?" ill never have those conversation anymore, my favorite person to call on my way home from work can't answer the phone anymore and my heart hurts. ill never hear him ask "you think the frost will effect the berries?" on a cold night in maui. (maui is never cold, and there is never any frost-hence the joke)
the maui news wrote a beautiful half page on him of you would like to read about my buddy.
i have yet to really put into words how i'm feeling. someday ill write about his remarkable life.
because boy did he have one hell of a story.
the services are tomorrow and i'm still in LA much to my mother dismay. i always said i would
never watch them put him in the ground. i'm keeping my word. i hope i don't regret this in my later years. that my fear, anxiety, and sadness kept me away from watching his 21 gun salute. i just cant do it.
ill never be ready to see that. funerals are a strange thing i've only been to 2 in my adult life.
pretty sure that's enough. i get that you go for the living and for support of your family. this time someone else will have to do the supporting. i'm all tapped out. i plan on celebrating his life tomorrow by sitting on a beach here in southern california alone with my camera and a box of kleenex.
if i didn't have to work in the afternoon i would more than likely have a mai tai.
that will have to wait till night time.
monday a page turned in my life...... and friday another door opened.
i passed all my testing for pilates. that's the rainbow i was talking about.
its honest to say i'm not dealing very well. i knew this day would come, i kept shoving it under the rug.
growing up we would be sitting around the house or out on the golf course and my grandpa would say "god i'm old i might die today" or when one of us called i'd ask "how are you today grandpa?" his response would be "well i'm alive .... so i'm pretty happy about that.... how are you good lookin?" ill never have those conversation anymore, my favorite person to call on my way home from work can't answer the phone anymore and my heart hurts. ill never hear him ask "you think the frost will effect the berries?" on a cold night in maui. (maui is never cold, and there is never any frost-hence the joke)
the maui news wrote a beautiful half page on him of you would like to read about my buddy.
i have yet to really put into words how i'm feeling. someday ill write about his remarkable life.
because boy did he have one hell of a story.
the services are tomorrow and i'm still in LA much to my mother dismay. i always said i would
never watch them put him in the ground. i'm keeping my word. i hope i don't regret this in my later years. that my fear, anxiety, and sadness kept me away from watching his 21 gun salute. i just cant do it.
ill never be ready to see that. funerals are a strange thing i've only been to 2 in my adult life.
pretty sure that's enough. i get that you go for the living and for support of your family. this time someone else will have to do the supporting. i'm all tapped out. i plan on celebrating his life tomorrow by sitting on a beach here in southern california alone with my camera and a box of kleenex.
if i didn't have to work in the afternoon i would more than likely have a mai tai.
that will have to wait till night time.
monday a page turned in my life...... and friday another door opened.
i passed all my testing for pilates. that's the rainbow i was talking about.
1 comments:
girl, i am so sorry. this is so hard. so hard. i lost three grandparents in one year and it was just horrendous. my 92 year old grandma is doing very poorly, and i just went to see her. she is down to about 80 lbs, doesn't recognize anyone, and doesn't want to eat. it is so hard to see. just awful. i don't know why her body is still holding on. and it is so hard to see an ENTIRE GENERATION just go. just gone.
it is cliche, but i am glad you had him for so many years and that you have so many fabulous memories of him. i am sending you a giant hug (only if you want it), and you are in my thoughts. it hurts so much, and it is ok to give into it.
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